Sweet Zombie Jesus!: Zombie Of The Week

Posted by Grey Saturday, November 7, 2009

“He died for your sins, now he's back for your brains!”

~ Noah on Zombie Jesus


According to Uncyclopedia, that is.


While The Daily Zombies obviously chronicles all the ups-and-downs of the Living Undeads, we do put an additional close eye on them every week, celebrating zombie kind by featuring the particular Zombie, or Zombies of the week.

Of course, we all know, a bit far too well though, that free roaming around the internet can be fun and disastrous, and sometimes simultaneously so. Uncyclopedia, the parody site of the mighty wikipedia, had proven to be a source of quirky humor indeed.
This week, we learn about something we should have known very much earlier. About 2009 years earlier, in fact. That the night Jesus Christ rises from his grave was indeed the original pilot episode of "Night of the Living Dead". Jesus Christ, is indeed the original zombie.

An excerpt from the article summarize this:

After dying, Jesus was raised from the dead and once more walked among the living. This, of course, would only be possible if he were a zombie; Zombie Jesus is the identity of Jesus following the Resurrection. In zombie form, Jesus retained his unending love for mankind, in particular, he loved their sweet, delectable brains. Many of his followers were surprised when, instead of offering God's salvation, Zombie Jesus voraciously consumed their faces.

It is now widely believed today that Jesus was the source breeder of modern-day zombies, since when he resurrected, he infected his disciples with the blood of the new "Holy Alliance", thus founding the basis for whole new era of zombie mayhem, unseen since the infection of elite Greek philosophers by Zombie Plato several centuries before. This new batch of zombies later developed the Roman Catholic Church, once the entire Roman empire political elite was zombified on-the-spot by Alberto the Great (who was actually a zombie-vampire hybrid created by Constantine with the help of his right hand, Albert Einstein). It is a fact known today that the Catholic Church is full of zombies, and the higher position of authority is occupied by a hive-mind zombie-vampire called "Zombie Pope".

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