WWE TLC: Tables, Ladders & Chairs 2009 Preview

Posted by Grey Sunday, December 13, 2009

Rise and shine, it's PPV prediction time! This time round, replacing Armageddon as WWE's final Pay-Per-View event for the year, is WWE TLC: Tables, Ladders & Chairs.

As mentioned earlier, Armageddon, traditionally WWE's last PPV of the year since 1999 (with the sole exception of 2001), has ceased to exist, thanks to WWE's renewed initiative to provide its PPVs with a certain gimmick. In its place, WWE TLC: Tables, Ladders & Chairs, with its blatant obvious gimmick, will kick start tonight. As obvious as it is, there's some kinda little twist here: There will four matches in the theme of the gimmick, all of them title matches. An actual TLC Match, a Table Match, a Ladder Match and lastly, (would you believe it?) a Chair Match. Wow, that is brutal, you might be thinking. But may I remind you of the Hell In A Cell PPV last October? Are you expecting brutality as in those "Please Don't Die!" chants like in those TNA shows, or just plain brutality like fans chanting "You Can't Wrestle!" to Cena?

While we will officially begin the road to Wrestlemania with next month's Royal Rumble, the final PPV of the year traditionally served to smoother the path, closing down dangling plot lines and kicking off new feuds for the big one. However, this year's booking sees some odd patterns, quite a hallmark signature of recent WWE writers. This might proved to be hazardous, in some form, or perhaps, pure arrogance from Vince McMahon, especially at a time like this, in the face of an impending war. (What war, you are saying? It's like the World War II, but in wrestling world, the Monday Night War II. Okay, more on that later.) And guess what? Despite being in the promo poster above and perfectly suited (much more so than probably any other active WWE wrestlers, with the exception of Christian and Benjamin) for matches of a hardcore type such as this, CM Punk is nowhere to be found in this PPV. Talk about absurdity in booking. Additionally, online rumours on many factors that will affecting the potential bookings at Wrestlemania seems to inclined to a more interesting Wrestlemania than ever. All the more reason that the fallout from this event will be more consequential than you suspect.

Anyway, The Daily Zombie's WWE PPV Prediction hit a high last month with Survivor Series, as compared to the one on Bragging Rights, with a hit rate of four out of six. What's more significant would be the fact that we managed to predicted exactly the stipulation and participants for the forthcoming PPV even back then before Survivor Series commenced, when we mentioned, "Nevertheless, WWE always had a way of keeping things stale, playing their game safe, so most probably, we will be seeing Cena keeping the title, with DX playing their almost destined feud with Jerishow, who may drop by for a run-in interruption to escalate the feud further. A tag team ladder match with the Unified Tag Team Chamipon ship on the line in the next PPV?".

So let's move on to the matches and see how well we gonna fare this time round?

Unified Tag Team Champions Chris Jericho & Big Show vs. D-Generation X (Tables, Ladders & Chairs Match)

The reason why a gimmicky tag team match (given that there's a stipulation) with tag titles on the line is here up on the main event slot, with zero doubts cast? That's simply because of the fact that all four participants are multiple times World Champions and without a doubt, the crowd-attracting main eventers, with a guaranteed check to be a WWE Hall-Of-Famers (provided they don't do something terrible, like the "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named" in WWE).

So it's basically a case of big-time veteran vying for smaller scale McGuffins. However, this four little McGuffins we are talking about actually served an importance that is more than meets the eyes. Owners of them gets a cross-shows tickets, being able to compete in all three shows of WWE, RAW, Smackdown and ECW. With that point factored in, the only question we have to ask in predicting this brawl seems to be: Does Triple H and Shawn Michaels fancy working their asses off in all three shows? My bet is no, despite all sense of predicting logics seemed to inclined against their defeat. They got beat up big time in their last showdown with Jerishow in the previous RAW; they should be ending this feud with Jerishow to make new feuds for Wrestlemania, not to mentioned Royal Rumble next month; Triple H's ego would not allow him to get stuck in tag titles defending; and the list goes on.

And the match itself? It's gonna be good, everytime you see the names of Y2J and HBK. But don't expect yourself hearing those earlier mentioned "Please Don't Die!" chants, despite the potentially brutal set-up.

Predicted Winners: Chris Jericho & Big Show
Many had been pondering over the fact that DX had never been tag team champions together (they had been tag team champions numerous times individually but never together). We, on the other other hand, are under the impression that they simply can't be bothered with it. DX, is much MUCH bigger than the tag team championship, even if it's a unified ones. This is evident of the way they squashed every tag team, inclusive of the tag team champions back in DX's previous run.

Rumours of another Triple H versus Shawn Michaels feud had been rampant online, so probably we can see more signs of things to come from this match (coming hot on the heels of HBK superkicking HHH in Survivor Series). On the other hand, another rumour is that Christian will be dropping his ECW title in order to get into tag team action with, yes, the returning Edge, in a tag title chase against Jerishow at Wrestlemania.

WWE Champion John Cena vs. Sheamus (Tables Match)

If you are a fan of online wrestling forum, tracking wrestling news (and heaps after heaps of rumours) on a daily basis, you must be pretty used of getting rants after rants of how rookie wrestlers of smaller build but tremendous talent never getting the chance of being in the spotlight. Well, so it seems, this match is a living testament of that. Not everyone gets to be as lucky as Kofi Kingston. Unless you are someone who make their own luck. like Sheamus here, and Drew McIntyre (incidentally, Irish and Scottish, respectively). From the wrestling tabloids, it seems that both big guys with three-moves-sets, respectively, are chummy pals with Triple H, as his training partners.

I hated to say this, but this is just like what happened to Umaga back then.

Monster squash match against cruiserweight wrestlers? Check.

Of foreign origin, and fully capable of igniting certain foreigner detest from the crowd? Check.

One hit wonder? I'm afraid that, that is also a certain Check.

Speaking of which, Sheamus had a significantly weaker build-up than Umaga had back then. What had he achieved now, really?
"Ending" the career of Jamie Noble?
Thrashing the officials?
Kicking Jerry "The King" Lawler's head in?
Putting Cena through a table?
Getting pushed by scrawny middle-age man who happened to be a Basketball Coach?
Oh wait, what's up with the last point? A monster heel getting his white little ass knocked down by a normal man? You call that a build-up?

The match quality is, well, pretty disastrous, with, at one corner, a man with five-moves-set, and the other corner, a man with two-moves-set. The table stipulation actually only serves to cover that fact. Even if I'm a fan of powerbombs after powerbombs after powerbombs, I'll rather go for Batista's bout with Taker.

Predicted Winner: John Cena
Yes, Cena retains! Cena retains! (insert Michael Cole's inert enthusiasm). And yes, Cena will retain. The point of this match is that it has the potential of being aan upset of the year but then again, no, no way in hell. They might set Sheamus up for a rematch at Royal Rumble and even slip him into the Elimination Chamber (Just to fill up the numbers), but no, not here. Not even against the mounting rumours that Cena will be working on his new film soon. He just needs to keep his monday free.

And on the hottest rumour that Cena will be facing the Great One in another Icon VS Icon classic in the upcoming Wrestlemania? Let's keep our fingers crossed on that.

Batista vs. World Heavyweight Champion Undertaker (Chair Match)

Chair Match? Chair Match? Chair Match? What exactly is a Chair Match? I know wrestling is staged and all, but what is the logic behind a Chair Match? It's like in a No-DQ match in the WWE Smackdown Vs. RAW 2010 game, when you get your hands on a chair, what do you do? Give one shot, drop the chair, give ten strikes, twenty grapples, along with a dozen of counters while you are at it? No. You strike your opponents with chair shot after chair shot after chair shot until the chair disintegrates (supposedly, well, damaged). While wrestling is indeed unrealistic, the art is to make it as realistic as it can be. Will they run out of chairs during the match, I wonder.

That said, Taker and Batista had some very good matches in their earlier feud, so this could be just as good, if they can just forgo the stupid stipulation. C'mon, not everyone's Mick Foley and this is no ECW (of course I'm referring to the good old ECDUBBB).

Predicted Winner: Undertaker
This is the one where I'm feeling really half-hearted. Batista gonna be the Champ, pretty soon enough, I'm sure, but is it now? It could just be. But Elimination Chamber might be a better way for Taker to lose his championship while maintaining his momentum against whoever is the roadblock on his 18-0 road to Wrestlemania.

ECW Champion Christian vs. Shelton Benjamin (Ladder Match)

It's almost funny how this match is now deemed everywhere as the show stealer. What's up with the stealing? When you declared a show-stealing match, there's no other way about it. You gotta steal it. Then again, with all the half-assed bookings and mediocre rookies being pushed (with the exception of Kingston), that, is far from an impossible feat. It is what they said, a show-stealer, for sure. Save your toilet breaks for the WWE Championship bout.

That said, Christian got me sold in his brilliant promo on how the ECW championship is getting ignored in recent PPVs. It's an open shot at the bookers and writers and hell it is a valid one. Given that it's almost a confirmed deal that WWE, along with Syfy Channel gonna relaunch ECW in a big way, so big that there won't be any ECW by the end of it. Pretty much due to the low ratings the show's been getting, I supposed.

Predicted Winners: Shelton Benjamin
One for the Benjamin, not that I'll mind Christian retaining his brilliant run. The tile change might just be necessary to hype up the show.

Intercontinental Champion John Morrison vs. Drew McIntyre - Intercontinental Championship Match

As mentioned earlier, we got another "supposed" brown-noser in this one too. (My full apologies if I had been totally misled by the tabloids) The results might just proved me wrong, if Morrison managed to somehow retain the title, possibly setting up for a rematch in Royal Rumble. Morrison's Braveheart impersonation was entertaining enough and more importantly, he poked fun at the supposed brown-nosing that "Drew a Matching Tyre" been working at.

As for match quality...Well, critics had been calling John Morrison as the next Heart Break Kid. This match actually put that name to a test, as HBK had build a reputation putting so-called wrestler (with their two-moves-set) over, delivering a good match no matter he's wrestling Crash Holly or Great Khali. Let see if the Shaman of Sexy can do the same here?

Predicted Winners: Drew Mcintyre
Morrison has proven himself right up on the midcard, so he doesn't really need the title, unlike McIntyre. This is especially evident, from his repeatedly loss to The Miz.

Kofi Kingston vs. Randy Orton

The only positive coming out of all this rookie push lately got to be Kofi Kingston's newly established upper card status. However, this gotta be the end of the road for Kingston. If not, we might just Orton going for the U.S. Title next, which is next to impossible, of course. Unless, Legacy starts to show some signs of implosion, that is, causing some botched assistance, resulting in the defeat of Orton.

Predicted Winners: Randy Orton
Both Orton and Kingston ought to be competing in the rumble match so a satisfying result for the heel had to be the more logical solution out of this.


The Rundown
Not as good as the previous card, despite the fact that Christian and Benjamin's Ladder Match having a Top Ten Match of the Year position already. I'm still somehow hopeful of some CM Punk run-in interference.


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