Marvel Brothel

Posted by Grey Thursday, January 13, 2011

Pimping ain't easy, man. Not even when you're a mutant.

As demonstrated by Professor X and his merry mutants. While one can easily imagined the trial and tribulations of running a mutie whorehouse, pimping sure ain't easy in "Marvel Brothel", a 16-bit fan-made role-playing game built with the RPG Maker 2003 (RM2k3) engine.

In Marvel Brothel, in an ongoing effort to mediate the co-existence of mutants and humans, Professor Charles Francis Xavier, better known as Professor X, turned the renowned Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters (for the uninformed, secretly the headquarter of the uncanny X-Men) into a whorehouse, pimping out the mutant heroines to the hordes of johns of the Marvel Universe.

Realizing the dire needs to diminish mankind's fear of the Homo Sapiens Superior (that's mutants in a nice-sounding technical term) and to further ascertain the acceptance of mutants, Professor realized that sometimes (okay, all the time), fucking works far better than fighting. Yes, the muties are just like humans, and they are totally "fuckable" too! Now I stand enlightened and see the zenith philosophy of the great leader of mutants. As does Gambit, in this revealing conversation with the good professor below.

True to the Ragin' Cajun's character, he took over the role of an advisor to the brothel, and proceed to give you an elaborate lesson lifted from the "Complete Idiot's Guide to Running A Mutant Whorehouse", as witnessed right below.

Apart from the very capable helping hands from Gambit, players can also tapped into Cerebro to seek some much-needed support from other prominent X-Man, like Forge, who is described by Wikipedia as a mutant with a superhuman intuitive talent for inventing mechanical devices, backed up by the ability to visually perceive mechanical energy in action.

Exactly what kind of support, you wonder? Imagination, my friend, imagination.

Cosmic Radiation Bombs, eh.

All things aside, running a mutie whorehouse remains to be a pain, with run-in interference from the likes of the master of voyeur arts, Mojo, and Kingpin (who rates your brothel and upgrades your clientele based on how well you decorate).

Nevertheless, ever the stalwart defender of mutant rights, Xavier will eventually persevere (with the help of the player, of course) as the business experiences an incredible expansion with the inclusion of the Wasp, Elektra, Songbird, She-Hulk, Black Widow, and more to cater to the various different (and certainly marvelous) needs of the johns of the Marvel Universe.

We here at The Daily Zombies would like to extend our infinite gratitudes to Comic Alliance, who has painstakingly put up an incredibly insightful piece of this unseen yet utterly important part of comic history. Head over to witness more gut-busting moments no X-Men story has gone before.

For better or worse, Marvel Brothel is no longer available at's database of downloadable creations, apparently for the obvious reasons before Marvel, with their ever-growing franchising, decide to step in. Noting Marvel Universe's habitual naming of their alternate universes (they even named the rival DC Universe as Earth-0, and the Army of Darkness (yes, that Army of Darkness) universe as Earth-818793), we would like to suggest naming this horny little universe as Earth-69, but even that number was taken.

"Earth-69", also known as Earth-01000101.

- Home of the Tuatha De Turing, the Cyber-Sidhe.
- Called Earth-01000101 in the story; this universe's the dominant lifeform evolved from binary computers. "01000101" is binary for "69".

Damn it.

Source: Comics Alliance


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