Meet the Exorcist Teenage Girls

Posted by Grey Saturday, August 27, 2011

Not a hoax. Not a joke. Not a "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" rip-off. Meet the five teenage exorcist girls who will be starring in the new Canadian reality TV series, "All-American Girls Fighting Satan".

Make all the jokes you want. These five teenage girls based in Phoenix, Arizona, are well-trained and determined to fight Satan, Beelzebub, Lucifer, what-have-you in this dire times of moral decadence.

Trained by controversial Evangelist Reverend Bob Larson of Spiritual Freedom Churches International, meet the spell-casting team of five teenage girls, well-versed in the formidable art of exorcism.

Brynne Larson, the 16-year-old daughter of Reverend Bob.
Sisters Savannah Sherkenback (19) and ...
... Tess Sherkenback (16)
Melanie Massih (16)
And together, they are Hi-Fiv... oh wait, they are the "All-American Girls Fighting Satan".
(Before you start pondering why we did not identify nor display the individual picture of the lady standing in the center of the photo shoot, do note that she is Christina Massih, the 15-year-old sister of Melanie, and it was Daily Mail (incidentally the source of this piece of out-of-this-world news) who have, for some reason, left her out. Are we detecting some discrimination in the vein of the usual teenage life bullshits here?)

Here's Reverend Bob by the way, infamous for his fire-and-brimstone anti-Satan roadshow jabberwocky.
Please do check out the unintentionally (or intentionally) hilarious article from Daily Mail for more gut-busting details on the exorcists's operations. For instances, we learnt about these previously unknown precious facts of life:

The Vatican’s chief exorcist Father Gabriele Amorth, 85, has revealed that he alone has dealt with 70,000 cases of demonic possession.

While the economy is on a seemingly perpetual downturn, the business in exorcism is booming.

‘The Church just can’t keep up with demand. But I have 100 teams of trained exorcists working all over the world, and outbreaks of demonic possession are getting out of control. Our phone lines are ringing constantly - we receive up to 1,000 individual requests monthly, and we travel to countries like Africa, Ukraine, England and even Australia' - Reverend Bob Larson, Spiritual Freedom Churches International

Teenage exorcist girls think that Harry Potter and Twilight are the roots of evil.

‘I think Harry Potter and Twilight are instigators of evil. They nullify morality and just serve to hook people in with evil. I don’t watch any television at all. I’m much too busy praying and fighting the devil' - Savannah Scherkenback, 19, graduate of Rev Larson's exorcist school

A person possessed by the devil can have strength seven times more powerful than one. By Crom!

‘I don’t do house calls yet. I have a lot to learn, and it’s very dangerous performing exorcisms. The Bible says that a person who is possessed by the devil can have strength seven times more powerful than one man' - Savannah Scherkenback, 19, graduate of Rev Larson's exorcist school

And don't miss the terribly intriguing (not to mentioned highly entertaining) side notes from the article, like this case study:

Choon Kim attended one of Reverend Bob Larson’s seminars for an exorcism.
The 33-year-old, who says she was sexually abused by a family friend as a child, explains that demons had tormented her for years.
‘Rage would come out of my being,’ she says. ‘I hated myself, I was really angry inside me.’
During her exorcism, she cried in pain, as Rev Larson pressed the Bible onto her forehead.
‘Who are you? Your name?’ he demanded.
‘Murder,' they say the demon answered.
‘Get up, "murder"!’ Rev Larson shouted, before renounced the demon - and Choon was cured.

And this fan mail column:

Below is a selection of genuine calls for help sent to Reverend Bob Larson:
‘My life is a living hell. I practice the occult every night with Lucifer. I signed a pact in my blood and buried it with real human bones. My fingers make the shape of claws. I wake up at night growling. I throw up if I go to church. PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!’
‘I grew up in Satanism. I have a multitude of physical and sexual abuse. I want to die. Can you help me?’ (Name withheld)
‘I have suicidal thoughts and dreams of hurting others. I am fighting something deep within me. Your show forced me to look at the possibility of having a demon inside me.’
‘I have tried to kill myself and have homicidal thoughts. I even made a list of people I want to kill. I really need some answers.’

And last but not least, according to the statement released by Canadian indie producer Cineflix (courtesy of Hollywood Reporter), "while the five teens are not fending off evil in suburban America, they find time to attend beauty pageants, or play sports like horseback riding and karate."

Good to know that they do have some recreational hobbies other than screaming "Go to the pits of hell!" or "Out! In the name of God!".

Source: Daily Mail via iO9

1 Comment
  1. Doodiepansts Said,

    First, I always find it ironic that most of the reported amazing miracles and accounts of demonic activity occur in poor uneducated 3rd world countries. I’m wondering if the simple action of spreading anti-epileptic drugs and various other neurological disorder related medication would drop the number of demonic possessions in many African nations. It’s amazing how the demons of leprosy reported in the bible have left humans alone in developed countries since the advent of antibiotics and soap.

    Second, The demon slayer teens say that a headache and dilated pupils are a sign of demon possession. A headache and dilated pupils are also symptoms of a sinus headache, migraine, drug use, or a head injury. Where does the science of exorcism come into play? If we have so much confirming evidence,(Bob Larson claims over 15000 exorcisms) why is there no science on the subject? Me thinks that the reason may be that 99% of demonic possession is a flavor mental illness or a case of someone who didn’t get enough hugs and needs attention.

    Third, The first 4 of the 5 Demonic Possession Symptoms from Larson are also signs that you’re likely between the ages of 12-17 and full of angst. In addition, if you’re a teenager that lives in a country that does not speak his/her native tongue, you can fill out the whole demon possession symptom profile.

    Posted on March 11, 2012 at 11:46 PM


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